There’s an old saying that you can choose your friends and not your family. For people like me particularly, a network of close friends often provides a surrogate family, especially in the absence of surrounded by family support and events, as is most commonly the case for changing to a new country and start a new life. Our friends become the people we cling to in crises, either work or relationship-related. They are there for us to party with, to recover with, to celebrate with, and also to commiserate with. They are, clearly, the most important people in our lives. In good times and bad times, it’s more often than not our friends who are by our side, essentially becoming our true family.

Looking back to the past few years, I have made a lot of friends. Some friends are becoming closer and closer. Other friends, particularly those who I met on the party scene over the last few years, have eventually faded into the background, or I have distanced myself from some of them.

Life is full of opportunities, you will be surprised how many people we encounter in our life time, but we are still looking for the ultimate soul mate, who gives you the love and friendship unconditionally. It is very hard, not easier than finding a lifetime partner. When I look back, I had made so many friends in my life, mates from junior school, high school, university, through social work, through friends, through internet, through work, through parties. Amongst all of these friends, we are looking for some one who you know and also he knows you. They are the people I feel the most comfortable with. I can express myself without censorship. I can embrace my spontaneity and never have to hide how I am feeling, or pretend to be something I am not. This is like life partner, when I saw movie ‘JUNO’ the other day, the young girl Juno asks her dad: “what is true love, why can’t it last for ever?” His dad sighed and replied: “There is no such thing that last for ever. But I have been with you mum for many years, I believe she is the one. Juno, I think find someone who loves you as who you are, that is the most important thing.”

Exactly! Find some one who love and accept you as who you are. How hard is that! Every day, we hear friends complain about each other, have issues with this, have problems with that, we hear partners find they don't have things in common, they don't like each other as much as beginning any more etc. if you judge your friend or your partner from your point of view, no wonder that friendship or relationships won’t last long. Because you don't expect to find a person who matches your imagination, that person never exists. You are finding someone accept you, also you have the same in return. When you find it, you can call it life time companion or soul mate. This only happens a few times in a short life. We should cherish it.

Whilst many may understand exactly how it feels to experience the challenges that someone without fear of reprisal or retribution. They validate my right to be happy, sad, angry... whatever. They forgive me my shortcomings, and are there in a pinch whenever I need them. Luckily I have a very few of these soul mates, they are firing up my life and give me the support unconditionally.

Another group of friends are social groups. More than acquaintances, less than bosom buddies, we talk about everything under the sun on a superficial level. We share our hopes and fears, thoughts and feelings, dreams and ideals. And yet there is an enormous chunk of my life which I cannot bring myself to speak of openly with them. To my surprise and joy I am finding I have things in common with these people and we rarely lack for things to chat about. Yet there is awkwardness in my ability to interact with these lovely folk because I am not being completely open with them. But I enjoying having them. They are like the witness of your life especially in different time frames, it is more likely you have different group to hang out with. They come and go all the time. However, life will be so much more boring without these witnesses and also the opportunities they provide you.

The question some people ask me all the time is “Do these people really need to know?” Realistically, the answer is Of course you do!!! In the grand scheme of things, is it really so important to be totally honest with all my friends? I am sure they aren’t sharing all the intimate details of their lives with me. Everyone has secrets they share with only select people. These groups of friends are the best to share happiness with, have fun together, party, and socialize for more opportunities. You don't become frustrated or hurt if they leave you, you learn from interacting with them; make you more mature and more experienced. More importantly, some of your soul mates are hiding inside this group, within time, they will stand out and become friends of lifetime.

Everyone needs friends. We are social animals who need contact with other people to make our lives worthwhile. Whether you have one or one thousand, friends are the foundations on which we build our lives. They keep us strong and prop us up when we are weak. They make us laugh when we are sad and give us someone to share our happiness with. Few things in life have more value than having good friends. Except perhaps being one yourself.

8 Stupid Reasons to Break Up

For many of us, it’s clear when a relationship has run its course, but far too many fold before they’ve really tried to make it work. Not every bad day has to spell the end and not every problem is insurmountable. But how do you know when you’re giving up too soon? Here are eight terrible reasons to break up with someone…

 1) You've Had a Big Fight

Having a row with your partner is as inevitable as Thanksgiving with the in-laws. But not only is having a conflict with your partner not a reason to break up, it’s often a reason that you should stay together. Even the most reasonable people disagree with each other, and the way you resolve your differences can help your relationship climb to new levels. So don’t clam up or head for the door at the first sign of a disagreement. Instead, use it as a way to further understand your partner and what makes him or her tick.

 2) Your Partner Doesn’t Like Everything you Like

So your new boyfriend doesn’t want to spend the weekends antiquing or your new girlfriend would rather turn the TV to a channel other than ESPN. That’s perfectly fine – and again, no reason to start searching for a new partner. Differences can be healthy. Having your own things to do can naturally give a relationship the space it requires. As long as you have enough shared interests to remain united as a couple, take a hint from the French – vive la difference!

3) Your Partner Finds Other People Attractive

Just because you’ve captured another’s heart, it doesn’t mean that you’ve removed the eyes from that person’s head, too. Even when fully loved up, it’s crazy to think that your partner has gone blind to the attractiveness of others. Physically attractive people are all around us, on TV, in film and even in the local supermarket, so it’s naïve to think that they’ll go unnoticed. There’s even a chance that your loved one will feel that pull of chemistry with someone else, too, so you’d better learn how to manage it. In a good committed relationship, the partners are not cut off to external influences, but they’re mature enough to know that acting on them is a recipe for disaster.

4) You Don’t Have Time for a Relationship

Yes, we all know how important your career is right now and that the world will collapse without your undivided attention and input. But get your priorities straight. Astronauts have partners, as do scientists, doctors, judges, teachers and even presidents. You’re a very important person, but never too important to enjoy one of the greatest and most important pleasures in life: a loving relationship. So sure, go to the gym, put in some overtime at work, write a book, save the planet. But understand that having love in your life will make all that seem even more worthwhile.

5) Baggage Has Got you Down

We all carry a certain amount of baggage with us, and not just when we go on vacation. But just because you’ve had a bad experience in your past, it doesn’t mean you have to carry it with you forever into your future. Instead, learn from those experiences, use them as a way to make wiser choices and break the pattern. Your new partner is not your old partner, and just because that person treated you badly doesn’t mean that your new partner will, too.

 6) He or She Doesn’t Do as you Say

While you and your new love may give each other pet names, one thing your sweetie is not is an actual pet. He or she won’t sit and stay when you want, nor should you want that. While small power struggles are common in all relationships, some people’s need for the ultimate say can destroy the peace. Maybe you’re not happy with your significant other going out with his friends. Or you don’t like it when she voices her opinions. If this is so, it’s your issue, not your partner’s, and it’s not a reason to pull the plug. If you find that it’s a recurring theme for you, maybe it’s time to seek personal therapy and work through your own problems before blaming your partner.

7) You Let Petty Things Get in the Way

A lot of people need drama in their lives to feel alive, but the only thing regal about a drama queen is that she can be a royal pain. Like a critic reviewing a movie, it’s easy to pick on what’s wrong with something and make it into something bigger than it is: “OMG, he got me an emerald necklace for my birthday, and he KNOWS I hate green.” “I’m so sick of her tuning the radio to country FM when we’re in her car.” If you have specific issues with something, talk about it, but focus on the positive, like the thoughtfulness of a gift or a simple ride to the airport. Be thankful for the love in your life and for what you are getting out of your relationship, and remember to look at the bigger picture and stop sweating the details.

8) The Relationship Doesn’t Always Make you Happy

Love may be a many splendored thing, but a relationship doesn’t exist JUST to make you happy. It’s not the answer to everything, nor is it an escape from all ills or an elixir to bring a perma-smile to your face. A partner can obviously be a great support in your life, but you’re still responsible for yourself, for accomplishing your individual goals and for keeping yourself entertained. If you’ve abandoned all hobbies and ambitions or dreams because you’re expecting your relationship to fulfill all your needs, you’re doing yourself – and your partner – a disservice, and are piling on far too much pressure. For it to work, YOU have to work, so look inside before casting the blame on someone else. It’ll be good for your relationship – and good for you, too.

http://advice.eharmony.com.au/